Banksy Privilege

When this video had its original title and I started watching it, I thought you were going to say that the reason Banksy can get away with creating or shipping art in this way is because of his fame, which is a form of privilege in itself. But the point you were making was what you changed the title to. Nevertheless I kept thinking about my original interpretation, because if I dropped off a statue I would be punished for that. I could never graffiti a wall in a public space like that unless I had special access. I would never be protected to create art like that. I would literally have to be the Duke of Westminster in order to get away with creating art like that in a public place. Just for clarity, I am not contesting whether the space is actually public or private. This comment is about the privilege of the artist as sanctioned by the deed holder of the canvas or the place they deposit the art. Where I live, there's no such thing as private land. Everything is owned by the government, which is in turn indebted to other countries and private trusts.

At some point in this video Barry says that we replaced a functional system of ownership with a dysfunctional one. I genuinely question whether a system where anyone can challenge someone's right to land based on their ability to commit physical violence locally is better.

I know we are calling it art, and I won't say it isn't, but there is a conversation to be had about Banky's art as vandalism of public/private property. I get the vibe of the audience is that there is no such thing as private property and that all property should be enjoyed by anyone, but if we allow anyone to change anything they want whenever they want, then there is anarchy.

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Narcissism is About Control, Not Disagreement

I was surprised that so much of Dr Ramani's compilation video attempting to determine "what makes narcissism," (which I at first thought was a description of the etiology of narcissism) seems to talk about oppositional defiance. I mean, sure there's a lack of empathy in aggressors of antagonistic relationships that can carry into oppositional defiance, but I do not think that emotional dysregulation and oppositional defiance are qualities unique to narcissists. It is a behavior of many different mental health or physiological/neurological issues. Emotional dysregulation and oppositional defiance happen for very different reasons in adults below the age commonly associated with dementia. The reason I was surprised is that I find a lot of folks whom I would identify as narcissists tend to control their entire domain. They coerce their environment. They tend to have the upper hand in any social dynamic where they are present, and only want to be somewhere if they can control it. Because the narcissists that I observe tend to be in control of their dynamic through manipulation, position, hierarchy or the help of many loyal attendants, I do not find that they are often exhibiting oppositional defiance. They tend to be very strategic with when they let their mask slip. I do not find that narcissists are characterized by oppositional defiance in the way that someone with a form of neurodivergence (e.g. autism or schizophrenia) would. Part of not letting the mask slip is maintaining a show of compliance.

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But I Hate Sand, Too

13:30 I disagree with what JD and AS say here, as a codependent who's been in a narcissistically abusive relationship: we do try to convey the most idealized version of ourselves for the other person. I read the Padme Amadala and Annakin Skywalker couple as a young narcissistic sociopath in the making and his codependent spouse trying her upmost to be the paragon of humanity. I found it relatable for how superficial they are with each other. It is well-noted that male narcissists are often looking for a mother figure in their relationships to coddle them unconditionally.

As a codependent, who's been in love with a gifted narcissist (JD said "genocidal maniac," so I can use that word), who was younger than I was but still an adult, I feel that the way she acts in that scene is expected. She is freezing up and comforting him, thinking of his feelings instead of thinking of her own or what's going to work in the long-term. It's what we codependents in emotionally steamrolling relationships do. He's not scared of the darkness; he is the darkness. I also, do not think any amount of therapy is going to help Anakin. You might say, "But he loves his kids." Even sociopaths love their kids, b/c they see their kids as an extension of themselves and their legacy. I think the way Padme acts is believable, because you're not yourself, you are a fake version of yourself, when you're with someone who is as overbearing as Anakin. I could see someone highly intelligent like Padme and otherwise powerful getting in, staying in and dying over this type of relationship, b/c I lived it.

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Philosophize this.

Once again, Tim Ferris interviews a product of Child Protective Services (CPS), spurred on by his belief in himself and clueless about his privilege --the most remarkable recent example of this being the annoyingly fake libertarian Cyan Banister. Sorry, but this whole "dropout to millionaire" story is unsurprising. The kind of person who drops out in the first place, is someone who thinks very well of himself to begin with. It takes a terrific amout of arrogance and self-confidence to be a CEO. 🤣 Stephen West talks about how Hemingway is deep?! Every narcissist loves Hemingway. By the way, Washington state is the best kept conservative stronghold on the west coast.

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Stoic Changes to Consider

Every now and then I watch a video from Ryan Holiday that's transformative. While I dislike the title of the video presuming everyone's life is a mess to be fixed with a few habit changes -- in reality it's going to take a long time and concerted overhaul to make these changes -- I still appreciate hearing about them, especially #3. This is my take on nine of the habits mentioned here. The tenth one is a sales pitch for his Spring Forward workshop.

1. Stop letting circumstances define you. (Stuff cannot touch the inner self.) 

2. Stop being negative. Watch your thoughts.

3. Stop wasting time. Use time to free yourself. We don't say never, we say later, but we don't end up being/doing what we know we are capable of. Am I going to wait until another year before I do what I know I need to do. Stop thinking about it; do it. 

4. Be clear about what we are willing to do and we are not willing to do. Have a clear sense of moral compass or priorities. 

5. You don't have to respond to every email or inquiry. Eisenhower decision matrix. Do what's important, but not necessarily urgent. 

6. You make haste slowly. Be deliberate and disciplined. 

7. Focus on ways to move on from grudges. How can you not let it consume you? 

8. You don't have to react to everything or anything. (Stop reacting). Act with restraint. Do not get swept away. Keep bearings or values. 

9. Avoid false friendships at all costs.

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On "the duke" leaving Miss Scarlet and the duke

The way that "the duke" left the show and engaged with Scarlet was sincerely messed up, and here's why I feel this way . . . Back between season 1 and 2, he dates her for four dates before dumping her, b/c supposedly to continue the relationship would have been an embarrassment to him and he's concerned about his career. Then he dates Arabella (Eliza's childhood rival) later on, which Eliza only finds out from seeing them and from Phelps, not from "the duke" himself. That's insult to injury. And before Arabella dumps William, he's acting like Eliza should still be available to him in some manner, whereas she's like, "Why are we carrying on the same dynamic of having dinner once a month, if you know Arabella isn't going to be on board with that?" So they cancel their monthly dinner temporarily, which is only supposed to be a "friend" date. The way Arabella dumps William, but says in a passive aggressive way, essentially that "just as a friend" Eliza's ego is always going to get in the way of any interest or romantic feeling she has for him. (Talk about a bitch, who is not on Eliza's side. Girl (Arabella), none of your fucking business after you dump him! Also, what about his ego?). He continues to NOT tell Eliza how he actually feels until Episode 4 of Season 4. He basically says he's leaving and that he loves her in almost the same sentence. In any normal, healthy relationship, a person is going to say, "I have feelings about you and want to get together for a romantic date sometime." Then, if it were a healthy dynamic, he would've waited for her to respond to the request with, "I would be interested in that, thanks for letting me know, I actually fee the same way." But instead of waiting on her response after he finally tells her clearly, his words can be summarized as, "You don't really want me, so I'm going. I can't be here and not be with you." He's practically making the decision for her. And then later the hasty decision he makes to leave when he didn't really tell her his feelings before is further substantiated by Ivy as his leaving for her sake a well as his. That is just immature and unrealistic. I realize that she might not know what she wants, but he does not know that without asking and he didn't even give her the benefit of a conversation when she was time-wise available to discuss renewing their romantic relationship. And no, telling someone you're leaving the country and you love them is NOT giving them time. He basically becomes unavailable immediately after professing his love, which was more or less a prerequisite to anything romantic happening in those days. There's nothing super clear about his behavior before that that would indicate he wants to build a relationship with her or even date her again. So that was pretty shitty. At least Nash cares about her career, and treats her more equally in season 4. Anyone with self-respect would be saying to themselves about William, "Boy, I got coworkers who treat me better than you." The whole, "we love each other, but it would never work," narrative is a bit of self-gaslighting that does not acknowledge that William did not give her the benefit of the doubt to respond effectively once she knew his what his interest was.

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Trolls Aren't Normal Healthy People

In his video, HG Tudor argues that some people who are trolls are just normal people who lack empathy for interactions online or just normal people who have been hurt. I don't buy that a good amount of trolls are normal people. I find trolls to be quite marginal people population-wise. I would not assume that b/c an interaction takes place online that it's somehow completely normal to lack empathy about it. I know that there are some older folks who think the Internet is some type of other-worldly mystical place, but for anyone who grew up with the Internet and even many computer literate older folks, the Internet is a real component of Real Life. Pretty much everyone, unless they're a complete imbecile, understands that the feelings are real online. Therefore, it stands to reason if I insult someone online, they will, if they are capable of feeling, react emotionally. Furthermore, anyone who would take on posture devoid of empathy after being insulted or hurt by another is someone who didn't have much empathy in the first place. The kind of person who feels the need to get even with another person or thinks it's completely justified to troll or severely insult someone just b/c he feels rage, is very talionic and emotionally dysregulated, which are traits of Cluster B's. Normal healthy people do not go out of their way to fuck with other people for kicks, not least of which because if one fucks with someone else, one pays a price for doing that.  So trolling requires a bit of impulsivity as well.  Bad people on the Internet are bad people period. Please check with various studies revealing the high propensity for tetrad traits in people who exhibit trolling behavior online before asserting that trolling is something normals do.

Referenced video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tINAu9UJqqA